4/29/2009

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY...ALL I CAN SAY IS REST IN PEACE MY LOVE. I AM SO SORRY THAT I COULDNT MAKE THINGS BETTER. ITS SO HARD TO DEAL WITH. Y US. U DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER. WE DESERVED YOU. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE. Y US????? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY, FOREVER AND ALWAYS IN MY HEART. YOU ARE NO LONGER SUFFERING, NOW I JUST HAVE TO GRIEVE AND REMEMBER THE 12 DAYS THAT YOU WERE HERE....



ANTHONY LEOPOLDO QUEBRAL JR

4/17/2009-4/29/2009

OUR PRECIOUS ANGEL

4/27/2009

I went to see Aj around 2:30pm today with my dad. As soon as we walk in they are doing some x-rays and changing his linens. So we had to wait for about 10 minutes. So we went to go be with him and the nurse kept messing with him, which caused him to desat. She kept flipping him on his back and then stomach. Come to find out he had water in his ventilator. So most of our visit consisted of him desat and his heart going below 100bpm. He looked really good. He had an IV put in his arm today because he had one taken out of his umbilical cord. We was out of it, he looked so tired but resting so peacefully. He has been on feedings every 3 hours now, rather than 4 or 6. I want to hold him today, but Daddy Anthony has to work late, but I hope. Let you know a little bit later. He weighed 710 grams last night, which is about 1lb 9oz which I am really excited about because I know the milk is helping him grow. When he was born he was 693 grams. Love you munchkin and hope to see you a little later.

So Anthony got in really late tonight so we didn't go see Aj, but I have to understand because he works so hard to make sure that his family is taken care of. I called the night nurse and she told me the he is 12.4 inches. So he has grown a little because when he was born he was a little under 12 inch. I'm going to find out the exact inches, b/c I'm still not sure. Aj weighed 1lb 9oz today, he didn't gain any weight since last night!! Its okay, I know it takes time. We love you babes!!! xoxoxox

4/26/2009

Today was a good day. He hadn't had any major alarms besides the desat. He was mostly on 21% today. The highest he went up to was 25%. He was on feedings every 6 hours 1cc (1 ml) then the doctor told me that they are going to give him 1cc every 4 hours, but then changed their mind. No particular reason, they just want to take their time giving him his feedings. My grandmother came with me to the first visit. It was her first time seeing him. It was definitely nice to see her still be here to see her great grandchildren. He had his first BM today which I am really excited about. They said they gave him a suppository to help it come out better, which I can understand since he just got introduce to the breast milk.

Anthony and I went back to see him later on. I swear hes looking different day by day. That is why I take daily pictures. It was a nice visit. The nurse had to keep doing her hands on work. Taking blood, changing his fluids, flip him on his back and other things. So I kind of didn't get to spend too much time with him. But it was okay because just sitting there, knowing he was near made me feel great. I'm feeling good and I have a lot to look forward to. The nurse today said hes out his "honeymoon" phase, so at least I know hes doing good based on progress.

Thank you GOD for blessing me with this opportunity of being a mother to a strong, beautiful and determined little man. I love you and help me and my family stay strong through this whole experience. AMEN!!!

4/25/2009

Today has been a wonderful day. Aj hadnt alarm all day. He has been doing fantastic. Anthony and I went to visit him around 1:30pm. He was relaxing and very active. He did desat a little (go under 85 with his breathing) but it wasn't major because he had to get suction so that he can breath properly. He gets suction often because he does not know how to swallow yet. Other than that the visit was great. His godfather and his wife came to visit. He had an Echo screening done and his heart murmur is closed!!!!! Around 8:00pm the doctors gave him his first feeding. I am ecstatic about that. He will soon gain weight, and it makes me feel so much better knowing that I am providing that for him. Other than that, there is really nothing else to say but GOD IS GOOD!!!! I'm proud of my little boy. He is strong and oh so beautiful. love you munchkin. See you tomorrow!

4/24/2009 Happy 1 Week!

During the day Aj was having some alarms. His oxygen level was brought up from 21% to 25 % which is still really good. The doctors put him back on the insulin drip because his sugar level was high. They took some test called a blood culture to make sure that he doesn't have any infections. The results came back negative. Which is really good, but they said they are going to continue to look after it just in case. They also sent some of his saliva to get some test also, for the same reason. I went to visit him around 5:30 with Anthony's cousin' girlfriend. She wanted to see him. She loves him so much..I think that's so cute and touching.

We came back to visit after transition and he looked so comfortable. They had changed his bedding and his positioning. I swear he is looking different everyday. His skin is so tan and looks so healthy. His hair is growing in and his features are changing. There were no alarms the entire visit which I was really excited about, do to yesterday. We left around 9:30. I called at 12:00am and the nurse said he hadn't had any alarms. He has been resting and his oxygen level was brought back down to 21% ( the level of air we breath). That made my night. I know that he will have his ups and downs, so I definitely have to understand that, but he is doing so well to be a week old. Cant wait for him to be on breast milk, even though the nurse said it is not the most important thing since he is getting the nutrients that he needs. But it makes me feel good that I can do something for my little one.

4/23/2009- What a Great Day/Hard Day

I haven't seen Aj yet today, but the nurse practitioner contacted me to let me know his progress. So far today he has had a blood transfusion which she said he will be getting every 3-4 days now. His blood level count was at 35 and it needs or they will like for it to be 40 and above. He was taken off the photo therapy light for his billy reuben (jaundice). They did another Echo screening and the whole in his heart is small, so they will be giving him another round of antibiotics, which should do the trick. He was taken off the ventilator (yyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!) which means he is breathing on his own with a side pap (pressure) blowing a little to help. They took his umbilical catheter out that was going to his artery, which will soon be replaced by his breast milk by at least Saturday. He was also taken off his antibiotics that was for an infection. Now the doctors were not sure if he had an infection or not, but better safe than sorry. I told Anthony that reading him a book will help him develop and stimulate his mind. And I was right, because these are all good things that happened today. My baby is a soldier.... Keep up the good work Aj. Cant wait to see you later. We love you so much.

Well the visit wasnt what I expected it to be. Which I know not to really expect anything but the best. When Anthony and I walked in Aj was not breathing. His alarms were going off and he was being attended by a nurse who as rubbing his back. Anthony and I couldnt really say anything but how long was this going on before we walked in. she said about two minutes. I wanted to walk out, but I couldnt. I had to be there if anything was going to happen. The nurse called another lady over (i dont know her title) but she responded " I dont have time"... I thought I was going to lose it in there. I said "what do you mean you dont have time" (is this B$^#% crazy) I didnt know if I wanted to cry or smack her. The nurse practitioner walked over and asked Anthony and I to leave. We stepped out while they took him off the oxygen mask and gave him back the ventilator. If seemed like a lifetime, but it was about 5 minutes. My body was warm and numb. I didnt know how to feel. I was so angry at the comment the woman made but so scared that Aj wasnt going to make it. The nurse pract came out and said that we could go back in and that she let the lady know that what she had said was unacceptable. I then broke down. It was hard to see that and then to have someone who is supposed to be taking care of children say they dont have time ruined my night.

As we went back in I was happy to see that he was back on the ventilator and that he was doing fine. He looked so different. His hat was off and he wasnt wearing any covers over his eyes. He was covered in blond hair and his ear was shedding extra skin. But he was still beautiful and glowing. He opened his eyes a couple of times. But I believe that he was very tired and just needed some rest. Anthony and I stayed about an hours maybe longer. We just looked over him and spoke with the nurse who was taken care of him tonight. It was hard to leave but I know that he needed his rest. I feel so exhausted, stressed, sad and overwhelmed with emotion. I know that this little boy is strong and that it may take longer than we think for him to come home, but its going to be an emotional roller coaster for us. I am so tired. I need rest and a break. We are good people and we have been through a lot, I just dont understand why we have to go through this. I love you baby, daddy and I are here and we are praying for you. Stay strong!!! xoxoxoxxo

4/22/2009

Today I went to go visit Aj during the day with my girl. She hadn't seen him yet so I thought I take her by. It was a great visit. He was calm and relaxed. No major alarms and the nurse was great. She gave me great advise and she really seemed sincere. I changed his diaper again, which I was not scared to do this time. I spoke with the nurse practitioner and she said that he might have to do another round of the antibiotics, but not sure til tomorrow when they do the echo exam again. Which is fine, its nothing to worry about and is expected since he is so young and small. I spoke with a social worker about some support groups that Anthony and I can attend to meet other families and to take some classes. I am really excited, especially since Anthony is down for it. She also lend me a book about the emotional journey of having a baby in the NICU. So far so good. The people in the book sound like us. Other than that the visit was great, no complications and he was just lying there trying to open his eyes for mommy.

Later at night, Anthony and I went to visit. It was nice, but a little nerve racking because I think another child was having complications and Anthony was kind of focusing on that and Aj's monitor. He tends to look at the monitor and scare himself. But Aj was doing great. Anthony read his first book (half) to him. "One Fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish", By Dr. Seuss. I thought it would be nice to read something to him, since most of the time its kind of hard to carry a converstation with him. I wanted him to hear Anthony's and I voice. Which had Aj up and about. Both of his eyes were open. He was moving around and his heart rate was going up. It was beautiful. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold him today. And I wanted to, but she thought it would be best to kangaroo it ( him laying on my bare chest). No lie, I was scared as heck. I wasnt sure if I was ready for that. I knew I wanted to hold him, but in a blanket since he is so small. I dont know, I kind of felt like a bad mom after I didnt. Well atleast I kind of feel she made me feel that way. She questioned me again, "You sure your going to hold him tomorrow"? like if I was a child. But maybe thats just me feeling guilty. But I am going to try to do this tomorrow. So good luck to me!!! I am excited though cause at the end, it will be all worth it.

4/21/2009

Anthony took off again today to take care of me. The night before I was feeling awful. I wasn't sure what it would feel like without pain medication. It wasn't a good feeling. My body was sore and my breast were hard. We went to visit him early afternoon around 2:30. My dad came to see him for the first time. It was nice, especially since he is the second boy in our family within two weeks. During the visit there were some doctors there doing an echo test, which is checking his heart using an ultrasound device. They were checking to see if he had a heart murmur, which he does. This is not rare when it comes to children (preemies) this early in life. Anthony didn't stay for the procedure, which I can understand because Aj does not like when people are messing with him which causes his alarms to go off. Anthony hates the alarms because they scare him, which is understandable. So my dad and I stayed and watch, which it was a piece of cake because he was perfectly fine.

Later on in the visit, the nurse practitioner came in to talk about his progress and the ECHO test. She said that he does have a heart murmur and that they will be giving him some antibiotics to close the whole in his heart. He will receive 3 dosage 1 every 12 hrs. If that didn't work then it will be repeated and if not then again. She said the chances for him to have surgery are slim. She says there are hundreds of babies born with heart murmurs a year and only 2 may need surgery. Which means he most likely wont need it. Anthony spoke with her about touching Aj because he hasn't done so yet. He has been afraid that he may get him sick or may cause an infection. Thank God for her that she was able to give him the pros and cons to touching him which persuaded Anthony to do so. The moment was a beautiful sight. I recorded it with the camcorder. I wanted to cry, it was such a beautiful sight. As Anthony reached inside the incubator and touched his son for the first time. As he pulled his hands out Aj reached for him. That was an unforgettable moment.



Today he weighed 1lb 5oz which is normal for kids to lose weight in the first week of being born. He started his first dosage of the antibiotics at 5:00 pm and will continue on til tomorrow until 5:00 pm. Once the antibiotics works, rather it takes the first time or if he has to take more, he will then be given breast milk which I am excited about. The little one needs to start gaining some weight. Anthony's mother came by the hospital to visit also. She bought us "The first year" memory book, which is so much better than any book I've ever seen. I cant wait to start it. He did great all night. I love these nurses that take care of Aj. I couldn't ask for anything more. I love this little guy so much. I know that he is strong and that everything will be okay.

4/18/-4/20/2009

The weekend was great. I was able to pump milk into several bottles for Aj. Eventually he will be eating and I want to make sure it was coming from me. Not only that, I wanted to feel apart of him some how some way. It was hard knowing that others were being the first ones to do things for him. The nurse also asked me to change his diaper (4/19/2009) I was hesitant at first because he is so small. But I did it and I felt like a proud mom. He is so soft, fragile and beautiful. They had to change his settings for his incubator to reverse isolation because his white blood count was high. This required the doctors to wear gloves and a "jacket" before they touched him. Aj was breathing on his own through an oxygen mask for about a day in a half. The doctors put him back on the ventilator on Sunday because he was forgetting to breath. Which is common in babies his age. His complexion was getting better due to the light for the jaundice and the blood transfusion. He was covered in blond hair all over except his hair on his head. He had a few alarms over the weekend, but mainly when the doctors were suctioning him, because right now he is too young to know how to swallow.

Monday 4/20/2009 was discharge day. I was actually happy that I was going home. I hadn't taken a real shower in days, I wanted to sleep in my own bed and I did miss my dog Scrappy Doo! I relaxed the whole day until about 4:00pm when Anthony and I went back to see Aj. He was doing very well. Our visit consisted of him not having any alarms, which is a blessing. Anthony has been on edge and I'm glad he was able to get some type of relief. God is good!!!

4/17/2009

Friday April 17, 2009, the doctors gave me a sonogram because his heart rate was dropping. The sonogram showed me that all my amniotic fluid was gone and that his foot was in my cervix. I was nervous, I didn't know what to expect from there. They rushed me back L&D where they prepared Anthony and I for the procedure.

I was in the OR (operating room) within 20 minutes. I was crying and I was afraid. AJ was not supposed to come until July and I didn't know what the outcome would be. Anthony talked me through the whole procedure which made me feel great. He had this glow to him which made me feel another type of love for him. It was beautiful. Baby Anthony was out within minutes. He was born at 10:57 am. There was no cry, which I kind of expected. The doctors asked Daddy Anthony to come take a look at his son. Then they brought him to me for a quick look. By that time I felt so out of it because of the anesthesia. The doctors stitched me up and I was in the recovery room. That lasted about 3 hours which was awful. I had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, which caused me to itch really bad. I was given benadryl which did not help. After the three hours passed in the recovery room I was taken to the NICU to see baby Anthony. He was so small, 1lb 8oz and just under 12inch. I was irritated with the itching, so they then took me to my suite where I was greeted by my family.

Later that night Anthony and I went to see Aj. The doctors spoke to me about him receiving a blood transfusion. We would have liked for Daddy Anthony to donate the blood, but it would take 7-10 days to process it and he needed asap due to how much blood they were taking from him. Since Baby Anthony is too young to produce his own blood the transfusion was definitely needed. I signed the papers and it was given to him. There were some alarms that night because he was forgetting to breath and his blood pressure was dropping. This freaked Anthony and I out because the doctors act like they didn't know what they were doing. Everything was okay once they got it together. From then on I came back down to visit him several times, including some family.

4/16/2009

Thursday morning LaBelle (my sister) called me and asked if I can go to the hospital with her because she thought she may have food poisoning. I decided to go, just in case in was more severe than we thought. After a few hours of being there with her, I decided to go home. We had a previous conversation earlier that morning about me having a dream that I went into labor. I told her maybe it was her. We laughed and joked...Later I was home and using the bathroom (TMI) I thought I was constipated so I started to push(labor) than I felt my mucus plug come out, but not sure at that moment if it was it or not. I go out into the living room and start talking to my dad and water began leaking down my leg. I went back to bathroom to check and change. Came back out and it began flowing down my leg...everywhere. I called my doctor and he said my water broke. I started to cry and panic. I told my dad, he told me to grab my stuff and go to the car. I called Anthony crying and freaking out. I think he thought I was joking because he asked me more than once what I was saying. My dad rushed to the hospital passing every red light there was.

Once I was in triage, my whole family was there including in laws. For about 2 hours I had no idea what was going on until my doctor came in. He explained to me that even though I lost a lot of my amniotic fluid doesn't mean that he can not stay inside me, because it can be reproduced. I was relieved, which meant I would be staying in the hospital for about another month. I was transferred to L&D where I slept for my first night.