4/23/2009- What a Great Day/Hard Day

I haven't seen Aj yet today, but the nurse practitioner contacted me to let me know his progress. So far today he has had a blood transfusion which she said he will be getting every 3-4 days now. His blood level count was at 35 and it needs or they will like for it to be 40 and above. He was taken off the photo therapy light for his billy reuben (jaundice). They did another Echo screening and the whole in his heart is small, so they will be giving him another round of antibiotics, which should do the trick. He was taken off the ventilator (yyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!) which means he is breathing on his own with a side pap (pressure) blowing a little to help. They took his umbilical catheter out that was going to his artery, which will soon be replaced by his breast milk by at least Saturday. He was also taken off his antibiotics that was for an infection. Now the doctors were not sure if he had an infection or not, but better safe than sorry. I told Anthony that reading him a book will help him develop and stimulate his mind. And I was right, because these are all good things that happened today. My baby is a soldier.... Keep up the good work Aj. Cant wait to see you later. We love you so much.

Well the visit wasnt what I expected it to be. Which I know not to really expect anything but the best. When Anthony and I walked in Aj was not breathing. His alarms were going off and he was being attended by a nurse who as rubbing his back. Anthony and I couldnt really say anything but how long was this going on before we walked in. she said about two minutes. I wanted to walk out, but I couldnt. I had to be there if anything was going to happen. The nurse called another lady over (i dont know her title) but she responded " I dont have time"... I thought I was going to lose it in there. I said "what do you mean you dont have time" (is this B$^#% crazy) I didnt know if I wanted to cry or smack her. The nurse practitioner walked over and asked Anthony and I to leave. We stepped out while they took him off the oxygen mask and gave him back the ventilator. If seemed like a lifetime, but it was about 5 minutes. My body was warm and numb. I didnt know how to feel. I was so angry at the comment the woman made but so scared that Aj wasnt going to make it. The nurse pract came out and said that we could go back in and that she let the lady know that what she had said was unacceptable. I then broke down. It was hard to see that and then to have someone who is supposed to be taking care of children say they dont have time ruined my night.

As we went back in I was happy to see that he was back on the ventilator and that he was doing fine. He looked so different. His hat was off and he wasnt wearing any covers over his eyes. He was covered in blond hair and his ear was shedding extra skin. But he was still beautiful and glowing. He opened his eyes a couple of times. But I believe that he was very tired and just needed some rest. Anthony and I stayed about an hours maybe longer. We just looked over him and spoke with the nurse who was taken care of him tonight. It was hard to leave but I know that he needed his rest. I feel so exhausted, stressed, sad and overwhelmed with emotion. I know that this little boy is strong and that it may take longer than we think for him to come home, but its going to be an emotional roller coaster for us. I am so tired. I need rest and a break. We are good people and we have been through a lot, I just dont understand why we have to go through this. I love you baby, daddy and I are here and we are praying for you. Stay strong!!! xoxoxoxxo