4/22/2009

Today I went to go visit Aj during the day with my girl. She hadn't seen him yet so I thought I take her by. It was a great visit. He was calm and relaxed. No major alarms and the nurse was great. She gave me great advise and she really seemed sincere. I changed his diaper again, which I was not scared to do this time. I spoke with the nurse practitioner and she said that he might have to do another round of the antibiotics, but not sure til tomorrow when they do the echo exam again. Which is fine, its nothing to worry about and is expected since he is so young and small. I spoke with a social worker about some support groups that Anthony and I can attend to meet other families and to take some classes. I am really excited, especially since Anthony is down for it. She also lend me a book about the emotional journey of having a baby in the NICU. So far so good. The people in the book sound like us. Other than that the visit was great, no complications and he was just lying there trying to open his eyes for mommy.

Later at night, Anthony and I went to visit. It was nice, but a little nerve racking because I think another child was having complications and Anthony was kind of focusing on that and Aj's monitor. He tends to look at the monitor and scare himself. But Aj was doing great. Anthony read his first book (half) to him. "One Fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish", By Dr. Seuss. I thought it would be nice to read something to him, since most of the time its kind of hard to carry a converstation with him. I wanted him to hear Anthony's and I voice. Which had Aj up and about. Both of his eyes were open. He was moving around and his heart rate was going up. It was beautiful. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold him today. And I wanted to, but she thought it would be best to kangaroo it ( him laying on my bare chest). No lie, I was scared as heck. I wasnt sure if I was ready for that. I knew I wanted to hold him, but in a blanket since he is so small. I dont know, I kind of felt like a bad mom after I didnt. Well atleast I kind of feel she made me feel that way. She questioned me again, "You sure your going to hold him tomorrow"? like if I was a child. But maybe thats just me feeling guilty. But I am going to try to do this tomorrow. So good luck to me!!! I am excited though cause at the end, it will be all worth it.